It’s spring and a journalist’s fancy turns to… what else? Objectum Sexuality! I swear, I’ve had about four or five interactions with various journalists in the last three weeks, from a major talk show nibble to someone from a far, far Oceanic continent. Inquiring minds want to know.
I’m getting pretty good at these conversations, particularly because English-speaking members of the Objectum Sexuality (or OS) community were good enough to participate in a survey I did, back in 2009. It was not a scientifically designed research instrument, because its original purpose was to obtain data about OS members to present to journalists and interested professionals. But this survey continues (as far as I know) to contain data no one else has bothered to collect. You can read a rather large article about it in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, if you like.
And if you don’t like, and you’re scratching your head in dismay, here’s the quick skinny on the topic: a romantic and/or sexual attraction to an OBJECT which goes beyond fetishism into full blown relationship mode. That’s it. And it’s usually not caused by trauma or abuse, and probably not related to any mental conditions except perhaps (for some, not all) autism.
Oh yeah, and my pet theory (with a little bit of data to back it up), is that object personification synesthesia may also play a role, at least for some. Since, it stands to reason that if you detect personality in objects, you may grow fond of certain ones and perhaps – human beings being what they are – the personable objects become erotically attractive as a result.
You see, OS goes far beyond a mere fetish. It’s an orientation. The relationships are complex, multi-layered, and not without grief, joy, jealousy, and all the rest of the glories and hellish funks of being in love.
But after my conversation with the far flung journalist, Jane Austen’s Reverend Mr. Collins came to mind (in Pride and Prejudice). So too are the OS people longing to publish their propserous loves. The journalists are equally excited about printing the same. We wish them both joy.
If I sound a bit clipped, it’s because I’ve got an important object on the stove…my dinner.
Here is what 6,000 sex survey takers have been waiting for, the update of all of our most recent sex survey statistics. Well, not ALL of our 200,000+ raw survey answers – I have to keep a few surprises for my book – but a fun summary of our most recent sex survey stats.
Recent Sex Survey Stats:
Updated March, 2012
91.9% have masturbated to orgasm.
77.8% have massaged a partner for their OWN enjoyment.
75.6% have tried a sex position that did NOT work.
70.1% regularly trim or shave their pubic hair.
69.7% have had sex in public location.
69.6% define their sexual attraction as “purely straight”.
62.5% have been to a strip club.
61.8% regretted a sexual decision.
61.0% have used a sex toy on themselves.
61.0% have read a “how-to” book about sex.
60.2% have had sex while watching pornography.
58.2% have had anal sex.
57.9% say that the size of their partners sex organs (incl. breasts) are important.
54.7% have taken erotic photos of a partner.
49.3% crave sex daily.
47.9% have been skinny dipping in a public location.
47.9% have had sex with someone whose first OR last name they did not know.
46.9% have experienced or witnessed live female ejaculation.
43.5% have performed a strip tease.
42.3% have experienced a sexual dysfunction or difficulty.
41.1% have had 5-19 lifetime sexual partners.
39.6% have watched someone of the same sex masturbate.
38.0% have had 0-4 lifetime sexual partners.
36.4% have watched another couple have sex.
29.7% have had sex with someone 20+ years older OR younger.
29.4% crave sex every 2-3 days.
28.1% have had sex with two or more people simultaneously.
26.2% have had sex with someone of the same gender.
20.9% have had 20+ lifetime sexual partners.
18.9% define their sexual attraction as “mostly straight”.
18.0% have had dual webcam sex.
15.0% have had a sexually transmitted infection.
13.7% crave sex once a week or less.
11.1% have been to a swingers club.
9.8% have been told to abstain from sex by a medical professional.
8.3% crave sex every 4-5 days.
7.5% define their sexual attraction as “bisexual”.
5.5% have received medical attention for a sex related injury.
2.0% define their sexual attraction as “mostly gay”.
1.3% define their sexual attraction as “purely gay”.
0.5% never crave sex.
Thanks to everyone who has participated in our sexual survey, your honesty will educate the world.
We continue to update our subscribers with more interesting sex survey stats, as the results pour in.
Over the last two years of building spermbrain.com, I can’t count how many times I’ve thought: “I need to write more frequently!”
So, why the hell do I find infinite reasons to avoid writing about sex – the ultimate human topic.
Enter my fear of writing poorly that started with one of my professors at Swarthmore College who gave me a “C-” on everything I wrote, regardless of my effort. I think his definition of “C-” was: “This SUCKED, but at least you tried…”
In fact, I can still picture one of my particularly sucky papers with the following advice scrawled across the top: “You really should take Writing 101.”
Useful advice, except for the fact that I had already taken Writing 101 and it didn’t help one chicken
scratch shit of a bit.
Wow, so that’s my excuse for not blogging regularly? A cocky, clueless professor.
Now that I’ve written it down, it sounds ridiculously L-A-M-E.
It’s time I get over my insecurities about writing and just start speaking my mind about the science (and non-science!) of sex. The best writers are the ones that let their passions flow and aren’t worried about being right or perfect.
Writing shit down is like going to therapy. We all need to do it more often.
Sex Quote: “If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” ~Bette Midler
Over the last year, our sex survey has become our most popular webpage and also one of the biggest ongoing sex surveys on the internet. Now it’s time to post some categorized survey results for all of our sexy supporters!
Or, if you’re too lazy to sort through the sex survey results, let me highlight some of the key gender differences for those of us in our 30s.
Five Significant Gender Differences: 30-39 Year Olds
- Women are over twice as likely to consider themselves “bisexual”.
- Nearly three times as many women do NOT enjoy giving oral sex (23% vs. 8.3%).
- 16.6% of women crave sex once/week or less, whereas only 1.6% of men crave sex this infrequently.
- Three times as many women have been told by a doctor to abstain from having sex for some period of time.
- Only 3.8% of men do NOT enjoy pornography, compared to 36% of women.
So, what are the explanations for these notable gender differences?
1. The fact that women show much greater diversity in their sexual attraction has been documented in a variety of scientific studies. But the fact that 1/9 women aged 30-39 in this study identifies as “bisexual” and are EQUALLY attracted to both genders is astonishing. I would appreciate your comments as to the evolutionary, cultural or social reasons you think so many 30-something women are bisexual.
2. This one surprised me because I’ve seen 3,154 more articles written about “What to do if your guy won’t go down there…” than I have about what to do if a female partner doesn’t enjoy giving oral sex. So, while I don’t have an explanation for this gender difference (Perhaps the articles worked?), I would like to offer my sincere apologies to all the under-appreciated penises out there!
3. This is the one that big pharma would like cash in on and why they keep looking for the magic pill to heighten women’s sexual cravings – but to no avail. The fact that ten times as many women crave sex once/week or less simply demonstrates the sex drive differences that some (heterosexual) couples face. I am not implying that women never want sex more than their male partners, but it is important to point out how common it is for females to crave sex far less frequently than their male counterparts.
4. This one is easy to explain since 30-39 year old women are “scientifically” more likely to have given birth than their male peers. Doctors often tell postpartum women to abstain from sex for at least a couple of weeks, although they might do just as well to tell the woman’s male partner the same thing!
5. The difference in men’s/women’s enjoyment of pornography is easily explained, not by the difference in men’s and women’s brains, but in the malecentric pornography that dominates the adult entertainment industry. Pornography is rarely made by/for women, and so it’s no wonder that many women do not enjoy main stream pornography. However, there have been some SLOW movements towards more female oriented pornography, so perhaps this gender difference will narrow over time and with the advances of producers like Tristan Taormino.
That’s all for now, but I’ll be back to write about the surprising gender similarities from our sex survey sometime soon! Please take a few minutes to take the survey and share it with your friends if you haven’t already…
It’s groundhog’s day. But does a groundhog really know if spring is here?
So what are some more effective ways to tell it’s spring?
Well, there are a lot of ways to tell that spring is here, and lucky for you…most of them have to do with sex. So, without further delay, here’s my top ten list of sexy ways you can tell it’s spring:
#10. The college students start dressing like spring break is ALREADY here.
#9. Crocuses start popping UP, signaling their reproductive readiness!
#8. The awful black/red V-day lingerie gives way to SLIGHTLY better pastels.
#7. Our sex survey gets more and more survey submissions every day.
#6. The importance of real sex education for teens makes the news/blog circuit, for ONE whole week.
#5. The spring peepers fire up their mating call—sounding more like a heavenly orgy, than the itty-bitty amphibian that they are.
#4. Spring fitness catalogs arrive in the mail, showcasing the “clothes” inside.
#3. Caucasians avoid posting their pasty bodies on Facebook, for fear of blinding their friends.
#2. The sun finally starts feeling warm again, eliciting our DESIRE to join those scantily clad college students.
#1. The local hummingbirds (“hummers” as my college biology professor so foolishly called them) pursue each other in sexually frustrated, chaotic zigzags, paying little attention to the passersby (me!) whom they practically impale.
Thankfully unharmed after a trip to the park,
Religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one and it’s fine to be proud of it, but please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don’t try to shove it down my child’s throat.
Sincerely, tired of hearing your religious guff
I laughed when a friend shared the above quote. If religion is like a penis, then spirituality is like…an orgasm? Well, probably. Orgasm is the oldest route to ecstasy. I’ve read some brain science about that but I can’t call it up and when I search for “orgasm ecstasy brain” I find little of use.
I do have a reference for a relevant tidbit, though. In an AASECT forum, one presenter explained that sexual function is an authentic representation of a person’s total condition of arousal, emotion, and more.
Unlike talk therapy, in which the reasons for starting a new behavior (like flying on an airplane despite a phobia) or ending one might be explored and a resolution reached, leading to new behavior, one CANNOT will a new sexuality on oneself. It might come with exploration of new environments, positions, experience, or partners, but we don’t get to pick what turns us on—only whether we stick around (or go looking) to get turned on.
I admit I write from a Cathoholic perspective of a certain balance between freedom and responsibility but I don’t think I’m bound by it. If we continue the analogy between spirituality and orgasm, we might think that the continued pursuit of spirituality, despite difficulty, is like the continued pursuit of orgasm, again, despite difficulty. Such persistence requires faith in something, whether is in one’s ability to “get there”, in the value of the means, or in the ends. And faith is the basis of religion.
Unfortunately, dogma makes religion land awry. And so does mis- or dis- information (or education) make sexuality land awry.
“You’ll grow hair on your palms!”
“You can’t get pregnant the first time!”
“If she was drinking, and didn’t object, then Itaintrape.”
We don’t get to say “Bullshit” in church, do we?
I am convinced that—occasionally—we should! Just as we should—occasionally, meaning when appropriate—shout out “Bullshit” when we are being given mis- or dis- information on sexuality. It’s only an opinion. We should be free to express our opinion.
Take note that “You’re full of it!” is not the same. It’s an accusation and slander. It’s confrontational. It just doesn’t work.
I do have faith in sexuality. And I do have faith that, as a world, and as a community, as we communicate and learn about one another, we will move toward some kind of planetary orgasm, after which two things are likely:
1) We’ll be rather drowsy and in need of some kind of nap.
2) We’ll feel quietly connected to one another.
Doug Goncz, CPS
It’s lovely to be able to grace the virtual pages of a site which Mr. Science subtitles “sperm brain.” Though the possessor of another sort of gonads and a complementary set of secretions, I always wanted to be an honorary Sperm Brain, and now I AM one! Sort of. Kind of. Maybe. In any case, I have been invited to contribute to this fine and amusing – not to mention, educational – blog.
So, who am us anyway? (To borrow a line from the late, great Firesign Theater…) Well, we is a whole heap of things – you can check my profile – but one of ‘em is a “sexologist.”
I like to put “sexologist” in quotes because that’s what the right wing blogs do whenever they want to refer to me as a nutcase for my comments on Objectum Sexuality. The quotes are supposed to impersonate a question mark, oddly enough, as in questioning my credentials. Or even the validity of the term. I sometimes have those feelings myself, especially when I watch “Erin, the sexy sexologist” on the Pick Up Artist YouTube replays, as she smolders in her flimsy lingerie in a dark, dark room while hapless male virgins grope their way towards her smoldering errogenous zones, all in the interest of teaching the poor fellas how to get a date. I am tempted to point out the flaws in her methodology, because few first dates take place in a dark room furnished only in pillows, but perhaps I needn’t bother. I have only to fall asleep with the late Alfred Kinsey’s biography under my pillow and I awake refreshed and ready to face the world again, with or without the quotation marks.
Yes, sexology is a grand and glorious undertaking. If you are a young person of immeasurable curiosity and a dedication to watching hours upon hours of erotic material – even those sorts (especially those sorts) that hold no sort of appeal for you whatsoever – then I encourage you to consider sexology as a career, or at least as a calling. For one thing, people will either back away slowly or pulsate in your personal space until you have no air, when you announce what it is that you actually do.
Announcing your profession can occasionally backfire, however. It did for me when I was on The Tyra Show. When the makeup artist found out what I did, he just couldn’t help cougarizing my face: “I’m going to make you look like one of those women on ___ Avenue who SHOP first thing in the morning!” I was too intimidated by the process to do anything but meekly submit to the false eyelashes and far too gooey/glossy lipstick. I figured he knew what looked good on TV and I, being most prone to Berkeley Therapist Drag when in professional mode, thought I did not. Well… needless to say, I should have asked him to make me up like one of those Berkeley Therapists who squeeze organic produce first thing in the morning. Sigh. At least I can say I lost my talk show virginity to Tyra Banks. Someday my hypothetical grandchildren will be proud.
You might wonder (or you might not) – what sorts of grand sexological projects are on my “to do” list today? Well, I am currently spending far too many frantic hours creating a series of sex educational slideshows for adults with developmental disabilities. This is massively fascinating work, and I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the brave souls who submit their genital photos to Wikimedia Commons, as an offering to the public domain. As I am doing this work for a nonprofit, and have no money for stock photos, these genital snippets allow me to create tasteful and purposeful illustrations for my slide shows. Unlike Erin, the sexy sexologist, these folks are probably not aware they are performing a valuable public service in the midst of their pulsating exhibitionism. I only wish that fewer images were shaved, and that more of the photos were reflective of human diversity. Most are too big, too bald, and too white – sadly. And thus it was ever so.
Yes, I’m pleased to be here on Sex Your Brain!
Thanks, Mr. Science!
-Dr. Amy Marsh