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Jun 17 / Mr. Science

Google “Sex Trivia”

Google Algorithm CartoonHere at Sex Your Brain!, we work hard to make sure that our sexual science content is both accurate and original.

Unfortunately, the beast that is the Google Algorithm cannot decipher new, well researched information from the fresh piles of Spammy Dung Droppings (SDD) so prevalent on the internet. Therefore, sites less than two years old, like this one, have difficulty ranking highly in Google (even with hundreds of backlinks) and this is called being in the Google sandbox—but it smells a lot more like SDD than plain old sand.

Google assumes that if your site lasts a couple years with a bunch of backlinks, it must not be the SDD they assumed it was for two whole friggin’ years. (We are five months away from the two year mark at Sex Your Brain, but who’s counting.)

I know, I know, I need to chill out because Google is simply trying to avoid having useless spam sites show up in their searches—which people don’t like any more than I like smelling like SDD.

However Google’s long sandbox period does more than just take care of the spam. It also takes care of is Google because it forces quality, young sites to advertise with Google Ad Words until they get out of the sandbox and start ranking organically.

CHA-CHING!! (That’s the sound of Google sized coins falling into a piggy bank).

I am sick of paying six cents per click (I’m REALLY cheap) to the SAME company that currently ranks this site #16 in their results for “sex trivia”, while we’re #1 or #2 for “sex trivia” on both Yahoo and Bing.

So, what am I going to do about it?

I’m not sure…but probably just brood and rant some more. I’m in no position to take on the Google algorithm for the steaming heap of SDD that it is. So, I’ll just keep putting out quality content (as Google so “kindly” recommends) and wait my turn out of the minor leagues (Yahoo & Bing).

Smelly Mr. Science

PS. To help launch us from the sandbox, please post a link to our homepage.

Jun 16 / Mr. Science

Should I get a labial piercing?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve gotten some fascinating sex questions. Please keep them coming and I’ll try to keep up on my answers.

Colorful Body Piercings

Question: Should I get my labia pierced?

Answer: Choosing to put an extra hole in any body part is a big decision, let alone in your genitals. Getting a labial piercing is something you should consider carefully using the following four questions:

1. Why do you want to pierce your labia?

  • If it’s for added sexual pleasure, you’d be much better off buying a vibrator.
  • If it’s to please someone else, it’s probably a bad idea. (I guess it’s not as stupid as getting a tattoo for someone—at least the piercing can be removed.)
  • If you simply like the thought/image of putting metal bling in your labia, read on.

2. Where exactly do you want the piercing?

  • Do NOT get a piercing through your clitoris as it is too sensitive. Most female genital piercings are done through the clitoral hood or parts of their labial lips
  • Choose a location wisely and think if it be comfortable in everyday activities. (Imagine it rubbing you wrong on the elliptical.)

3. Are you comfortable having your intimate bits handled by the local piercer?

  • The piercer will probably be used to it, but will you be okay giving them complete access to your precious parts…
  • Also, you may want to ask your sexual partner what they think about someone else handling your bits during the piercing. (Assuming your partner is not a professional piercer.)
4. Can you find an experienced piercer?
  • If I were going to get surgery on my genitals, I would make certain to get the best damn doc around. Piercing is no different!
  • If you don’t know a professional piercer, here is a great resource for finding one. Make sure to ask questions of your potential piercer to find out how much experience they have with labial piercings.
  • Listen to your professional piercer’s advice on caring for your new piercing. You want to avoid a piercing infection!
So in the end, the decision to get a labial piercing is totally up to you and hopefully these questions will help you make the right choice…
-Mr. Science
May 31 / Mr. Science

Stupidly Obvious Headlines

Being a science teacher, I read all the science headlines I can. Maybe I’ll learn something fruitful. Then again, it’s far more often that I just want to strangle myself with their stupid obviousness. Or is it their obvious stupidness that bugs me? I can’t decide.

At least the dumb headlines tip me off not to waste my time reading these P.O.S. “articles” and to get back to my marathon scrabble game on Facebook.

Then again, sometimes an article has such an absurdly obvious headline that my scientific curiosity gets the better of me and I’m forced to read it. (Could the article itself be as Bush-league as the headline?)

So, who exactly is writing and publishing such schlop it that triggers my desire to slowly asphyxiate myself? Scarily, these “articles” are from real news sources…not just some sex trivia blog, where stupid headlines are the norm (Botany is Sexy!).

Recent Stupidly Obvious Headlines:

Scientific American: Cell Phones in Hospitals May be Covered with Germs (OMG!)

Newsday: Experts: Cellphones May Cause Cancer (And aliens may land on the moon but we don’t have any hard data to support either of these claims.)

Alaska Dispatch: Global Warming Could Put Ice Road Truckers in Jeopardy (You mean, like, there’s going to be less ice in northern Canada as the world gets warmer? Pishaww, I don’t believe it.)

BBC: More Money Needed for HIV Cure (C’mon, is this really the best the BBC can do?!) (Apparently not, as the BBC editors have since changed the article title to: “New Push Aims to Find Cure for AIDS Virus”.)

Happy June!

-Mr. Science

May 25 / Mr. Science

Botany is Sexy!

Botany is Sexy

Galapagos Flower, 2009

Today, I was teaching about flowers (plant sex) in a high school botany class when I realized there are some sexy biology words missing from the English dictionary.

Now, you might wonder what words could be absent from 171,476 words that are “in-use” in the Oxford English Dictionary, but there are some of important ones!

Flower Trivia:

Unlike humans, most flowers are hermaphrodites and contain male (yellow feathery things in the photo) AND female (white stick-like thing in the photo) organs.

Like humans (Stick with me on this plant junk…), the organs of flowers each have their own scientific name like: anther, ovum, filament, ovary, stigma, style, or carpals. More importantly though, scientists also have names for the composite male and female organs of a flower. The female parts of a flower are called the “pistil” and the combined male parts are named the “stamen”.

Botany is Sexy!

So, how come human anatomy has no such words for the male and female reproductive systems? These important groups of human organs need names. Not pistil and stamen, but human names that are complementary to the oddities of the human reproductive systems.

Sadly, it’s nearly 1AM and I’ve drawn a complete blank on what these words should be.

I’m off to bed and I look forward to your comments/ideas!

-Mr. Science

Other Sexual Vocabulary Blogs:

Is Homophobia in your vocabulary?

Vocab of Facebook

Apr 28 / Mr. Science

Butt Slapping in Athletes

Baseball Butt SlappingI went to a baseball game last night that was surprisingly tolerable, despite the cold spring drizzle. Not that the baseball itself was all that stimulating, but the player’s congratulatory antics brought on some fascinating dialog amongst the fans.

How did our sassy conversation evolve from a boring old baseball game? Not from a sick joke about “batting practice”, but via a simple question from the wife of one of the coaches:

Why do baseball players slap each other on the ass and say ‘Ata babe’ or ‘Hum baby!’ and wouldn’t these actions be better saved for the girlfriends and wives of the players and coaches?

After some late-night Googling, I learned that “Hum baby!” was made famous in 1986 by Roger Craig, the manager of the San Francisco Giants, who had the special talent of inserting “hum baby” into just about any sentence. Since then, “baby” has evolved into “babe” via the common sports (and sex) phenomenon of syllable reduction.  The shorter, the better—at least when it comes to words!

Now let’s get to why athletes slap one another’s butts with such regularity and how the rest of us can learn from their butt-slapping to improve our own intimate relationships.

Top Ten Reasons Athletes Slap Butts:
  1. Buttocks offer large congratulatory targets.
  2. Hands and butts fall at approximately the same height.
  3. Backsides have padding to absorb a good stiff slap.
  4. Some people are afraid to hug.
  5. A slap on a toned fanny make a great sound.
  6. As a teammate runs by, their rear end is simply the most accessible.
  7. Many people enjoy being slapped on the rear.
  8. Spanking someone is fun!
  9. Did I mention that arses are excellent targets?
  10. Payback (for when you got slapped on the butt) is a bitch.

Butt Slapping Lessons:
  1. Instead of worrying why baseball players slap fannies, we should be taking notes to use at home.
  2. Appreciating your partner’s butt shows you care about them. ALL of them!
  3. It’s sometimes easy to forget the importance of touching, grabbing or patting your partner’s bottom. Just make sure to check with them and see what they like, since not everyone enjoys a good spanking.
Hum Baby!
-Mr. Science
Apr 1 / Mr. Science

Funny Sex Quotes

Funny Sex QuotesIt’s April Fools Day, and while I don’t do gags about sex (they’re not very nice), I can offer you ten of the funniest sex quotes I’ve collected for my book.

If you have a good sex quote that didn’t make my list, simply post it in the comment section.

-Mr. Science

Top 10 Funniest Sex Quotes:

#10. Penis Size: “It’s okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don’t point.” ~Will Durst

#9. Sex Books: “If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it.” ~Bette Midler

#8. Kids, Kids, Kids: “My 3-year-old is so enamored of his penis these days, he can’t do anything that requires two hands.” ~Molly Ryan

#7. Sexy Mosquitoes: “Biologically, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.” ~Desmond Morris

#6. Sexual Stamina: “I know I must be really good in bed, ‘cause women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.” ~Bill Hewins

#5. Female Breasts: “Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.” –Jody Nathan

#4. Masturbation: “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” ~Lily Tomlin

#3. Male Circumcision: “When they circumcised him they threw away the wrong bit.” ~David George

#2. Multiple Orgasms: “Women aren’t faking orgasms anymore. They’re hiding them. ‘I didn’t feel anything.  Oh that? That was the hiccups.’” ~Diane Nichols

#1. Sex Education: “The real hope of the world lies in putting as painstaking thought into the business of MATING as we do into other big businesses.” ~Margaret Sanger

Please add additional funny sex quotes in the comment section below…

Mar 31 / Mr. Science

Sex Fact or Fiction

Sex FactsThere are internet pages galore with loads of sex facts…but what about their sources? Sadly, most “sex facts” are merely internet myths or urban legend.

For example, here’s a Facebook page of 125 sex facts that is one of the “better” lists of sex facts, with nearly a quarter of a million fans. I guess everybody loves a good sex fact, even if it’s really just sex fiction.

Sexy internet “facts” from Facebook:

Sex Fact #37: Drinking lots of pineapple juice will produce sweet SPERM.

  • Fact Analysis: Drinking pineapple juice will not turn your swimmers into yellow gummy bears—nor is it likely to change the taste of your SEMEN.

Sex Fact #22: A man’s testicles increase 50% in size when he’s aroused.

  • Fact Analysis: It’s true that testicles often swell by 50% during peak sexual arousal. But amazingly, Masters & Johnson (who have fabulous names for sex researchers!) found that men’s testicular volume can DOUBLE during prolonged sexual excitement!

Sex Fact#9: The average couple has 20 minutes of foreplay before intercourse.

  • Fact Analysis: Nobody has reliable sex stats on the average time of foreplay.  Somehow, I don’t think surveying people with stopwatches would work…

Sex Fact #30: It takes an hour for a sperm to swim seven inches.

  • Fact Analysis: 7-8 inches (18cm) per hour is spot on for a healthy human sperm cell.

Sex Fact #40: There are 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.

  • Fact Analysis: There are roughly 4.6 billion adults on Earth. So if 100 million couples “do it” every day, that means 4.1% (or one out of 24) adults have sex on any given day. The 100 million guesstimate is WAY low.

Sex Fact #45: 75% of men hang their penis to the left in their pants.

  • Fact Analysis: That’s ridiculous. Men do not point their penises one direction or the other. At least not in their pants.

That’s enough sex trivia for me today. I’m off to tabulate the nearly 400 sex surveys that have come in over the last month and update them to the Survey Results.

-Mr. Science