Here is the beginning of your Queer Theory 101 (What is Queer?).

I work from a feminist viewpoint, and within that I am a social constructionist. What does this mean? This means that I believe that the way we view gender and sexuality is developed within a cultural context.

For example, in the US, men and women typically shave, and we typically shave different parts of the body. Men typically shave their faces and women typically shave their legs, for example. Why is that? Is there a need to do this? Normally no, but we have but a construct around body hair that is gendered.

Social constructionists believe, in a nutshell, that gender and sexuality are constructed as well. We make up what qualifies a person’s gender and sexuality by the labels we place on them. A person with a penis is male. A man dating a man is labeled gay. A person with a vagina is female. A woman dating a man is labeled straight. A transman dating a transwoman can be labeled…huh?

Ah HA! This is where the fun begins, and why queer theory works for me. When we remove the gender binaries of male and female from the equation, suddenly sexuality starts to fall apart, too. And queer theory embraces this eruption of sorts, and encourages people to remove themselves from these binaries of male-female and gay-straight.

Confused yet? Don’t worry, there’s more to come. 

Any questions? Bring it. 

I’m here to help,
Dr. J

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

Now, by blogging about this springtime spate of media attention, I may make matters worse. However I’ve come to accept the karmic link – or whatever it is – that has drawn me to the periphery of this very interesting sexual minority. What I enjoy most are the occasional, off-the-record emails and chats I have with people in the OS community. I keep these conversations confidential. I learn a lot in my interactions with these folks, and sometimes even feel like I might have done some good.

Recently I was asked for quotes for the articles linked below that were both published this merry month of March.

Objectophiles – meet the people attracted to objects, The Sun, London.

Woman in love with Statue of Liberty ‘not alone’, 9 News, Australia.

As you can see by the crudities in the public comment section of The Sun article, Objectum Sexuals are seldom given much respect. In fact, they are targeted with a great deal of misogynistic hatred – as OS women have gotten the bulk of the media coverage. However, I was taken by this particular response: “I assume using actual sex toys don’t count as objectiphillia? I hope not [sic].” Ah! A rare moment of thoughtful self-assessment!

Just what is the history of human erotic involvement with objects anyhow? Back in 2009, I actually created a grid of degrees of Human-Object Intimacy to answer this very question! If I could, I’d post it here.

The general public – at least the snarky trolls who post hateful responses – will never understand anything more complex than a simple poke in the patoosis, so I’m not too concerned with them. The important issue is to get helping professionals to get up to speed. People who identify as OS are an emerging sexual minority and already experience all the internal and external turmoil that goes along with coming out of the closet, individually and as a group. OS people generally feel quite natural about their orientation and relationships, but they are also quite vulnerable to anxiety, discrimination, exploitation, and possibly even violence. The ones who are autistic, even more so. It is essential for counselors, therapists, social workers, and the like, to understand enough about OS to deliver appropriate and respectful care to an OS-identified patient or client – just as they should to anyone who is LGBQ, gender variant, or in an alternative “lifestyle.” (I sure hate that word…sigh.).

So I created an online class for helping professionals, based on a sexological assessment of the topic: Objectum Sexuality – What Is It? A Clinician’s Guide. The two-hour lecture provides a foundation for learning more, and for stepping back from judgment and negativity in the fine old sexological tradition.

Meanwhile, where have all the clients gone? Long time passing…

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

I’ve been pondering how to begin blogging and I thought an introduction might be best. I work as a social justice educator and researcher within higher education. I am specifically interested in two things – queer students and rural sociology – and how these two interact in public schools. I just did a national study of sex educators who work in rural environments and are queer-inclusive. But, let me not get ahead of myself here, I’ve got lots of internet time to share all that with you…

So, on a personal note, I am legally married to my female-identified partner of 13 years, and we have a house and a dog and two cats. I identify as female myself. In “polite” circles the term lesbian is used to describe me, in the inner sanctum I would identify as queer. Why? Well, keep reading my blog and find out!

I want my blog to help inform you, let you know what’s on my mind, and help bring a queer perspective and attitude to the blogging universe. I have had to fight a lot of battles about the word queer, and here I plan on sharing some of that with you. Stay tuned.

Finally, I encourage you to contact me with questions! I would love to write directly to what you need and/or what you’re thinking. Engage me, peeps! I’m here for you!

Namaste,
Dr. J.

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

I’m getting pretty good at these conversations, particularly because English-speaking members of the Objectum Sexuality (or OS) community were good enough to participate in a survey I did, back in 2009. It was not a scientifically designed research instrument, because its original purpose was to obtain data about OS members to present to journalists and interested professionals. But this survey continues (as far as I know) to contain data no one else has bothered to collect. You can read a rather large article about it in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, if you like.

Frying Pan Love?

And if you don’t like, and you’re scratching your head in dismay, here’s the quick skinny on the topic: a romantic and/or sexual attraction to an OBJECT which goes beyond fetishism into full blown relationship mode. That’s it. And it’s usually not caused by trauma or abuse, and probably not related to any mental conditions except perhaps (for some, not all) autism.

Oh yeah, and my pet theory (with a little bit of data to back it up), is that object personification synesthesia may also play a role, at least for some. Since, it stands to reason that if you detect personality in objects, you may grow fond of certain ones and perhaps – human beings being what they are – the personable objects become erotically attractive as a result.

You see, OS goes far beyond a mere fetish. It’s an orientation. The relationships are complex, multi-layered, and not without grief, joy, jealousy, and all the rest of the glories and hellish funks of being in love.

But after my conversation with the far flung journalist, Jane Austen’s Reverend Mr. Collins came to mind (in Pride and Prejudice). So too are the OS people longing to publish their propserous loves. The journalists are equally excited about printing the same. We wish them both joy.

If I sound a bit clipped, it’s because I’ve got an important object on the stove…my dinner.

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

Recent Sex Survey Stats:

Updated March, 2012

91.9% have masturbated to orgasm.

87.3% have talked dirty to a partner.
84.3% enjoy giving oral sex.
82.6% enjoy pornography.
80.4% have had an orgasm from oral sex.

77.8% have massaged a partner for their OWN enjoyment.
75.6% have tried a sex position that did NOT work.
70.1% regularly trim or shave their pubic hair.

69.7% have had sex in public location.
69.6% define their sexual attraction as “purely straight”.
62.5% have been to a strip club.
61.8% regretted a sexual decision.
61.0% have used a sex toy on themselves.
61.0% have read a “how-to” book about sex.
60.2% have had sex while watching pornography.

58.2% have had anal sex.
57.9% say that the size of their partners sex organs (incl. breasts) are important.
54.7% have taken erotic photos of a partner.

49.3% crave sex daily.
47.9% have been skinny dipping in a public location.
47.9% have had sex with someone whose first OR last name they did not know.
46.9% have experienced or witnessed live female ejaculation.
43.5% have performed a strip tease.
42.3% have experienced a sexual dysfunction or difficulty.
41.1% have had 5-19 lifetime sexual partners.

39.6% have watched someone of the same sex masturbate.
38.0% have had 0-4 lifetime sexual partners.
36.4% have watched another couple have sex.

29.7% have had sex with someone 20+ years older OR younger.
29.4% crave sex every 2-3 days.
28.1% have had sex with two or more people simultaneously.
26.2% have had sex with someone of the same gender.
20.9% have had 20+ lifetime sexual partners.

18.9% define their sexual attraction as “mostly straight”.
18.0% have had dual webcam sex.
15.0% have had a sexually transmitted infection.
13.7% crave sex once a week or less.
11.1% have been to a swingers club.

9.8% have been told to abstain from sex by a medical professional.
8.3% crave sex every 4-5 days.
7.5% define their sexual attraction as “bisexual”.
5.5% have received medical attention for a sex related injury.
2.0% define their sexual attraction as “mostly gay”.
1.3% define their sexual attraction as “purely gay”.
0.5% never crave sex.

Thanks to everyone who has participated in our sexual survey, your honesty will educate the world.

We continue to update our subscribers with more interesting sex survey stats, as the results pour in.

-Mr. Science

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

So, why the hell do I find infinite reasons to avoid writing about sex – the ultimate human topic.

Enter my fear of writing poorly that started with one of my professors at Swarthmore College who gave me a “C-” on everything I wrote, regardless of my effort. I think his definition of “C-” was:  ”This SUCKED, but at least you tried…”

In fact, I can still picture one of my particularly sucky papers with the following advice scrawled across the top: “You really should take Writing 101.”

Useful advice, except for the fact that I had already taken Writing 101 and it didn’t help one chicken scratch shit of a bit.

Wow, so that’s my excuse for not blogging regularly? A cocky, clueless professor.

Now that I’ve written it down, it sounds ridiculously L-A-M-E.

It’s time I get over my insecurities about writing and just start speaking my mind about the science (and non-science!) of sex. The best writers are the ones that let their passions flow and aren’t worried about being right or perfect.

Writing shit down is like going to therapy. We all need to do it more often.

Cheers,
-Mr. Science

Sex Quote: ”If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” ~Bette Midler

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

Over the last year, our sex survey has become our most popular webpage and also one of the biggest ongoing sex surveys on the internet. Now it’s time to post some categorized survey results for all of our sexy supporters!

This week, we released the sex survey results for men, age 30-39 and for women, age 30-39. Please have a gander at our survey stats and share what you learn!

Or, if you’re too lazy to sort through the sex survey results, let me highlight some of the key gender differences for those of us in our 30s.

Five Significant Gender Differences: 30-39 Year Olds

1. Women are over twice as likely to consider themselves “bisexual”.
2. Nearly three times as many women do NOT enjoy giving oral sex (23% vs. 8.3%).
3. 16.6% of women crave sex once/week or less, whereas only 1.6% of men crave sex this infrequently.
4. Three times as many women have been told by a doctor to abstain from having sex for some period of time.
5. Only 3.8% of men do NOT enjoy pornography, compared to 36% of women.

So, what are the explanations for these notable gender differences?

1. The fact that women show much greater diversity in their sexual attraction has been documented in a variety of scientific studies. But the fact that 1/9 women aged 30-39 in this study identifies as “bisexual” and are EQUALLY attracted to both genders is astonishing. I would appreciate your comments as to the evolutionary, cultural or social reasons you think so many 30-something women are bisexual.

2. This one surprised me because I’ve seen 3,154 more articles written about “What to do if your guy won’t go down there…” than I have about what to do if a female partner doesn’t enjoy giving oral sex. So, while I don’t have an explanation for this gender difference (Perhaps the articles worked?), I would like to offer my sincere apologies to all the under-appreciated penises out there!

3. This is the one that big pharma would like cash in on and why they keep looking for the magic pill to heighten women’s sexual cravings – but to no avail. The fact that ten times as many women crave sex once/week or less simply demonstrates the sex drive differences that some (heterosexual) couples face. I am not implying that women never want sex more than their male partners, but it is important to point out how common it is for females to crave sex far less frequently than their male counterparts.

4. This one is easy to explain since 30-39 year old women are “scientifically” more likely to have given birth than their male peers. Doctors often tell postpartum women to abstain from sex for at least a couple of weeks, although they might do just as well to tell the woman’s male partner the same thing!

5. The difference in men’s/women’s enjoyment of pornography is easily explained, not by the difference in men’s and women’s brains, but in the malecentric pornography that dominates the adult entertainment industry. Pornography is rarely made by/for women, and so it’s no wonder that many women do not enjoy main stream pornography. However, there have been some SLOW movements towards more female oriented pornography, so perhaps this gender difference will narrow over time and with the advances of producers like Tristan Taormino.

That’s all for now, but I’ll be back to write about the surprising gender similarities from our sex survey sometime soon! Please take a few minutes to take the survey and share it with your friends if you haven’t already…

Cheers,
Mr. Science

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

Happy Groundhog's Day!

So what are some more effective ways to tell it’s spring?

Well, there are a lot of ways to tell that spring is here, and lucky for you…most of them have to do with sex. So, without further delay, here’s my top ten list of sexy ways you can tell it’s spring:

#10. The college students start dressing like spring break is ALREADY here.

#9. Crocuses start popping UP, signaling their reproductive readiness!

#8. The awful black/red V-day lingerie gives way to SLIGHTLY better pastels.

#7. Our sex survey gets more and more survey submissions every day.

#6. The importance of real sex education for teens makes the news/blog circuit, for ONE whole week.

#5. The spring peepers fire up their mating call—sounding more like a heavenly orgy, than the itty-bitty amphibian that they are.

#4. Spring fitness catalogs arrive in the mail, showcasing the “clothes” inside.

#3. Caucasians avoid posting their pasty bodies on Facebook, for fear of blinding their friends.

#2. The sun finally starts feeling warm again, eliciting our DESIRE to join those scantily clad college students.

#1. The local hummingbirds (“hummers” as my college biology professor so foolishly called them) pursue each other in sexually frustrated, chaotic zigzags, paying little attention to the passersby (me!) whom they practically impale.

Thankfully unharmed after a trip to the park,
-Mr. Science

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

Dear World,

Religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one and it’s fine to be proud of it, but please don’t whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don’t try to shove it down my child’s throat.

Sincerely, tired of hearing your religious guff

I laughed when a friend shared the above quote. If religion is like a penis, then spirituality is like…an orgasm? Well, probably. Orgasm is the oldest route to ecstasy. I’ve read some brain science about that but I can’t call it up and when I search for “orgasm ecstasy brain” I find little of use.

I do have a reference for a relevant tidbit, though. In an AASECT forum, one presenter explained that sexual function is an authentic representation of a person’s total condition of arousal, emotion, and more.

Unlike talk therapy, in which the reasons for starting a new behavior (like flying on an airplane despite a phobia) or ending one might be explored and a resolution reached, leading to new behavior, one CANNOT will a new sexuality on oneself. It might come with exploration of new environments, positions, experience, or partners, but we don’t get to pick what turns us on—only whether we stick around (or go looking) to get turned on.

I admit I write from a Cathoholic perspective of a certain balance between freedom and responsibility but I don’t think I’m bound by it. If we continue the analogy between spirituality and orgasm, we might think that the continued pursuit of spirituality, despite difficulty, is like the continued pursuit of orgasm, again, despite difficulty. Such persistence requires faith in something, whether is in one’s ability to “get there”, in the value of the means, or in the ends. And faith is the basis of religion.

Unfortunately, dogma makes religion land awry. And so does mis- or dis- information (or education) make sexuality land awry.

“You’ll grow hair on your palms!”

“You can’t get pregnant the first time!”

“If she was drinking, and didn’t object, then Itaintrape.”

Bullshit.

We don’t get to say “Bullshit” in church, do we?

I am convinced that—occasionally—we should! Just as we should—occasionally, meaning when appropriate—shout out “Bullshit” when we are being given mis- or dis- information on sexuality. It’s only an opinion. We should be free to express our opinion.

Take note that “You’re full of it!” is not the same. It’s an accusation and slander. It’s confrontational. It just doesn’t work.

I do have faith in sexuality. And I do have faith that, as a world, and as a community, as we communicate and learn about one another, we will move toward some kind of planetary orgasm, after which two things are likely:

1) We’ll be rather drowsy and in need of some kind of nap.
2) We’ll feel quietly connected to one another.

Sincerely,
Doug Goncz, CPS
Alexandria, VA

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!

So, who am us anyway? (To borrow a line from the late, great Firesign Theater…) Well, we is a whole heap of things – you can check my profile – but one of ‘em is a “sexologist.”

I like to put “sexologist” in quotes because that’s what the right wing blogs do whenever they want to refer to me as a nutcase for my comments on Objectum Sexuality. The quotes are supposed to impersonate a question mark, oddly enough, as in questioning my credentials. Or even the validity of the term. I sometimes have those feelings myself, especially when I watch “Erin, the sexy sexologist” on the Pick Up Artist YouTube replays, as she smolders in her flimsy lingerie in a dark, dark room while hapless male virgins grope their way towards her smoldering errogenous zones, all in the interest of teaching the poor fellas how to get a date. I am tempted to point out the flaws in her methodology, because few first dates take place in a dark room furnished only in pillows, but perhaps I needn’t bother. I have only to fall asleep with the late Alfred Kinsey’s biography under my pillow and I awake refreshed and ready to face the world again, with or without the quotation marks.

Yes, sexology is a grand and glorious undertaking. If you are a young person of immeasurable curiosity and a dedication to watching hours upon hours of erotic material – even those sorts (especially those sorts) that hold no sort of appeal for you whatsoever – then I encourage you to consider sexology as a career, or at least as a calling. For one thing, people will either back away slowly or pulsate in your personal space until you have no air, when you announce what it is that you actually do.

Announcing your profession can occasionally backfire, however. It did for me when I was on The Tyra Show. When the makeup artist found out what I did, he just couldn’t help cougarizing my face: “I’m going to make you look like one of those women on ___ Avenue who SHOP first thing in the morning!” I was too intimidated by the process to do anything but meekly submit to the false eyelashes and far too gooey/glossy lipstick. I figured he knew what looked good on TV and I, being most prone to Berkeley Therapist Drag when in professional mode, thought I did not. Well… needless to say, I should have asked him to make me up like one of those Berkeley Therapists who squeeze organic produce first thing in the morning. Sigh. At least I can say I lost my talk show virginity to Tyra Banks. Someday my hypothetical grandchildren will be proud.

You might wonder (or you might not) – what sorts of grand sexological projects are on my “to do” list today? Well, I am currently spending far too many frantic hours creating a series of sex educational slideshows for adults with developmental disabilities. This is massively fascinating work, and I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the brave souls who submit their genital photos to Wikimedia Commons, as an offering to the public domain. As I am doing this work for a nonprofit, and have no money for stock photos, these genital snippets allow me to create tasteful and purposeful illustrations for my slide shows. Unlike Erin, the sexy sexologist, these folks are probably not aware they are performing a valuable public service in the midst of their pulsating exhibitionism. I only wish that fewer images were shaved, and that more of the photos were reflective of human diversity. Most are too big, too bald, and too white – sadly. And thus it was ever so.

Yes, I’m pleased to be here on Sex Your Brain!

Thanks, Mr. Science!
-Dr. Amy Marsh

Sex Your Brain with Mr. Science!